If the Apostles were College Students...

The Sermon on the Mount

Then Jesus took his disciples up on the mountain and gathered
them around him.  And he taught them, saying,
 "Blessed are the poor in spirit.
   Blessed are the meek.
     Blessed are the merciful.
       Blessed are you who thirst for justice.
         Blessed are you who are persecuted.
           Blessed are you who suffer.

When these things begin to happen, rejoice, for your reward
will be great in Heaven."
And Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"
 And Phillip said, "Will this be on the test?"
  And John said, "Would you repeat that?"
    And Andrew said, "John the Baptist's disciples don't have to
     learn this stuff."
      And Matthew said, "Huh?"
        And Judas said, "What's this got to do with real life?"

Then one of the Pharisees, an expert in the law, said, "I don't
see any of this in your syllabus.  Do you have a lesson Plan?
Is there a summary? Where's the student guide?  Will there be a
follow-up assignment?"

Thomas, who had missed the sermon, came to Jesus privately and said,
"Did we do anything inportant today?"

        . . . And Jesus wept.